Action equals success

Readers of my blog as well as people who have been part of my new leadership training Escape the Matrix and Lead know that I have some very strong feelings about failure.

Ultimately, I think that failure is nothing more than an illusion forever propagated by the education system.

In school we learn that when we attempt something, say take a test, we either get some degree of success (anywhere from an A+ to D- grade) or an all-encompassing failure (an F).  Let’s call this model of failure and success the Pass-Fail Binary, or the PFB for short.

The PFB teaches us that success and failure is evaluated by a one-time experience such as a test, paper, or presentation graded by a teacher. Motivated by the fear of failure and forced into action, we learn to study hard.

The problem with PFB is that it almost always bleeds from the classroom and into our personal and professional lives. It creates the false mentality that makes “doing nothing” more appealing than taking action; with over a decade of education to condition us, we learned that when we take action, we risk failure.

Thus, if we have the option to not take action – especially for the really important things in our lives – many of us will remain inactive instead of risking failure.

To succeed in the real world we have to eliminate the PFB mentality that school conditioned us with and replace it with an understanding that as long as we are acting, we are progressing and as long as we are progressing, we will eventually succeed.

Let’s end the PFB that too often colors the rest of our lives and replace it with an attitude of action equals success.  Of course sometime when we act we wont get the exact results we were hoping for – but we will have learned something. We will have learned what does not work and that will bring us one step closer to success.

I want you to succeed on your own terms. Lets begin by agreeing that the only true failure is the failure to take action on a project that you care about and from there we will consider all action success – even if we don’t immediately get the results we want.

Depending on your vision you will work to make yourself a better leader, you will work to create a better community locally or globally, you will take risks to make yourself a more loving, more engaged, more interesting individual.  When you try something and get different results than you hoped for, instead of chalking it up as a “failure” as PFB from school suggests you do, you will realize that you can try again and again and again until you get the results you are looking for.

When you commit to action, you are committing to succeed by your own terms and you are unlocking a whole world of potential accomplishments. All that is left for you to do is to dream big, and act.

What would a leader give?

This holiday season I challenge you to give gifts like a leader.

What type of gifts do leaders give? To me, a leader is someone who proactively helps other people; to give like a leader think about how some of the gifts you give can be used to help those in need.

Below are a few ideas. Some of them require no money at all and enable you to help people locally and globally!

Shopping spree for the less fortunate

Cost: $1+

Who you’re helping: your local community.

Block off an afternoon to run around to toy stores, clothing stores, and grocery stores so that you can stock up on goods that will benefit people who really need them. Once all of the cute toys, warm clothing, and non-perishable goods have been collected donate them to Toys for Tots, local homeless or women’s shelters, and local food pantries. This way the less fortunate will receive gifts, fill their bellies, and stay a bit warmer during the holidays.

Protip: To really understand the impact you’re having, imagine the reactions that children, hungry families, and the homeless will have as they enjoy your gifts.

 

Donate to a charity that your believe in

Cost:  $1+

Who you’re helping: depending on the charity, people locally, people nationally, or people internationally.

Take a bit of time to find an organization that you truly believe in, and make a donation. There are literally thousands of great organizations. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Doctors Without Borders (help the sick in the developing world)
• Donors Choose (invest in education across America)
• Big Brothers Big Sisters (help at risk youth)
• Charity: Water (help create sustainable sources of water for people in need globally)
• Global Camps Africa (help end HIV/AIDS)
• Heifer International (help end world hunger)

Protip: in the day-in-age of the internet based giving, donating to charities can feel impersonal. We enter our credit card information, click donate, and look for the email confirmation. When the process of helping others becomes rote, part of the magic goes away. You can reconnect to the magic by reading about where your money is going, how it will be used, and then imagining the impact that you’ll be having on specific individuals.

Volunteer

Cost: $0 – only your time.

Who you’re helping: usually people in your local community, though you can volunteer anywhere.

Find an organization that you truly believe in and donate some of your time. If you’re interested in tips on how to do find organizations and opportunities, click here.

Protip: you’ll notice that when you volunteer, you feel more alive and energetic. Enhance your happiness and your impact by making volunteering part of your monthly routine. If you want to socialize while volunteering bring a friend or family member.

Give a microloan

Cost: $25+

Who you’re helping: up to you – you can grant a microloan to people in America, people in Vietnam, and everywhere in between.

Traditionally, microloans are granted to poor people in the developing world and are used to help them start businesses which will lift the entrepreneur (and often their families, and eventually their communities) out of poverty. Today you can give microloans to people all around the world.

Personally, I like to use kiva.org.

Protip: once your loan is returned invest it in another project. You will never get more bang for your buck than continuing to reinvest your microloan in new and exciting projects.

You’ll notice that as you get good at giving gifts that help other people you’re also creating a mirror effect – you’ll also start feeling better about yourself because you’re disconnecting from the material world and reconnecting to the human world. Now that’s a good holiday gift!

Bonus tip!

Enduring leaders know that in order to lead at their highest level they have to take care of themselves. As you’re getting gifts for others, be sure to get something nice for yourself too. Personally, I’m setting aside a week in 2012 to learn how to surf and completely disconnect from technology.

Where the magic happens

I recently saw a drawing of a Venn diagram that I loved. It had two circles on it. The first circle said “your comfort zone,” and the second circle said “where the magic happens.”

The catch? The circles in the diagram weren’t touching.

In other words the diagram said that to make the magic happen, you have to leave your comfort zone and I 100% agree with that.

Every great leader has to leave their comfort zone to change the world and every individual has to leave their comfort zone to change themselves; if we just keep doing what we’ve always been doing then nothing will ever change.

Over the years I’ve had to do many things that brought me out of my comfort zone: volunteering in the third world, stepping on stage to deliver a speech (yes, I still get nervous), and building Changing the World 101, all initially terrified me.

I developed a personal process to leaving my comfort zone and I want to share it with you so you can begin leaving your comfort zone to become a more effective leader and a more awesome individual.

1) Think about what will happen if you don’t leave your comfort zone?The first step is to realize that if you don’t leave your comfort zone, nothing will change.

Let’s say that you want to raise $3,000 for a volunteer trip to Costa Rica. Start by understanding that if you don’t start asking for donations you’ll never be able to take this trip. Use your natural desire for accomplishment to begin the process of leaving your comfort zone.

2) Seriously, what’s the worst that could happen? Next, think about the realistic worst things that could happen if you leave your comfort zone and how likely they are to happen. Often when we don’t analyze the true possible outcomes, we over estimate how risky it is to leave our comfort zone.

If you’re going to call your friends, family, and acquaintances, to get donations for your volunteer trip you may be anxious.  The absolute worst case scenario is that one of the people you called would get annoyed. In the grand scheme of things, that’s not really so bad is it? It’s also highly unlikely that anyone will truly be annoyed.

3) Now take baby steps… Many people have a tendency to try to accomplish entire projects all at once and get so overwhelmed that they never even start.

In terms of fundraising, this could mean trying to call 75 people in one day. For most of us making this many calls is way too intimidating.

Instead of trying to accomplish something that takes you light years outside of your comfort zone, set a small goal. Maybe call two people your first day. Once you get good at that, you can scale upwards and call a few more people each day.

4) Reward yourself! When you’ve successfully left your comfort zone the first few times – even for just a few moments – give yourself a prize. This will give you an incentive to leave your comfort zone and create a psychological association between leaving your comfort zone and good things happening.

After that first day of making two calls, buy yourself a pizza, watch your favorite TV show, or take a big break. You deserve it.

We all have to leave our comfort zones from time to time in order to improve our communities and improve ourselves. Though it is never fun, by using the above process, it will be much easier for you and you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how quickly the fear of leaving your comfort zone melts away.

How to make yourself slightly happier

Want to make yourself slightly happier? The make someone else slightly happier.

Walk down the street and see how many strangers you can get to smile. Do this by making eye contact with the person passing you, and smiling at them. Compete in this with one of your friends – loser has to buy an ice-cream sundae for the winner.

Or play a game that I play with a few of my high school friends called “make the cashier (or waiter, receptionist, flight attendant etc) laugh.” The game is self-explanatory – buy something with a few friends, and try to get the cashier to laugh while he or she is checking you out. My preferred (and immature) approach is to make fun of my friend while he is buying something.

But why only make yourself slightly happier? Because that’s how happiness and all awesome things work. They are perpetual works in progress that are only developed through consistent baby steps.

Our confidence and happiness, the projects that will make the world a better place, and the accomplishments that define a life, take time. Often a lot of time. The trick is to always be making slight progress.

To be a good leader, you must connect

Good leaders are good connectors. They have a strong sense of self that they use to connect to their true visions. They can see these visions so clearly that they draw others in as they talk about them and begin working on them.

When you own your own perspective, and the way you act and speak reflects the way you think and feel, that’s connection to yourself.

When people experience the same invisible thing together -  a vision, a dream, a feeling – that’s connection amongst people.

Have you been struggling to get yourself connected to your true vision, or struggling to connect to your team so that you can all perform at your highest levels?

If you have, then turn down the barriers to connection and try to reconnect again.

Many of these barriers are subtle: a flashing TV screen in a bar, distracting music that doesn’t match the atmosphere, cell phones and computers beeping with new messages, slight environmental distractions that hijack attention, and perhaps most commonly, people keeping their guard up and refusing to be honest and present.

The tangible barriers are easier to overcome. When you need to connect, eliminate them. Use soft lighting; turn off TV’s, phones, and computers, and play music that matches the mood you want to foster.

Encouraging people to be honest and present is a bit trickier. Eliminating tangible barriers helps people be present, but often is not enough. If you sense that someone on your team isn’t present, sincerely ask, “What’s on your mind?” and really listen.

If you sense that someone on your team isn’t expressing themselves, ask them for their opinion.

Better yet, encourage your team to be present and honest by being present and honest yourself.  Make sure you’re truly committed to your team and your attention is focused on the matter at hand. Make sure that you’re leaving your leaving your comfort zone and expressing yourself.

Honesty and presence are hard to achieve in modernity so take it slowly if that helps. But realize that if you aren’t honest and if you aren’t present, you wont be happy and you wont reach your true ability as a leader.

The subtle power of natural disasters

Washington DC, my current home, got socked by two natural disasters last month. We experienced a 5.8 magnitude earthquake, and then just days later, Hurricane Irene ripped through the District.

Fortunately there was minimal physical damage.

But something subtle happened in the space between the earthquake and the hurricane. The vibe in the city grew thick and heavy with anxiety. This of course is to be expected.

What interests me is the feeling behind that anxiety. People were anxious because they were reminded of their own mortality and the mortality of their loved ones.

They felt anxiety because death was closer to their doorstep than normal and they didn’t want to die; they didn’t want bad things to happen to their loved ones.

Natural disasters and near death experiences have a rare power to them. They strip away the bs that we think is important (status, money, material goods, TV shows, technology, education levels, etc) and leave behind the things that are important: connection to yourself, and connection to others.

They remind us, if only for a short while and very subtly, how awesome it is to be alive.

The trick is to live in such a way so that we don’t need momentous occasions to appreciate life and the people we surround ourselves with.

Dealing with insanity

I used to work as a summer camp counselor at the best summer camp in the world. I taught sailing and tennis, and lived in a cabin with campers.

I remember one day when I was already beyond stressed, one of the young campers in my cabin had an accident that resulted in urine all over the floor.

Before I lost my cool I threw my hands up and said, “I need a co-counselor.” A guy we call Action Jackson came to my rescue. He told me to go take five minutes to collect myself and destress while he looked after the cabin.

Though not everyone has had the distinct pleasure of dealing with a camper peeing on the floor, we all have moments when the insanity has nearly broken us. Perhaps it is a constant stream of work emails asking for new deliverables, class assignments becoming overwhelmingly demanding, or drama within your social circle – or most likely all of the above at once  – everyone has felt levels of insanity that have the ability to break us if we don’t keep them in check.

I have found that the best thing to do when dealing with this crazy level of insanity is to follow Action Jackson’s advice and stop for a moment. Take a breather. Go for a walk. Meditate. Make a cup of tea. Whatever it is you do, allow yourself five to ten minutes so you can decompress and formulate a plan of attack.

Personally, I like to focus on my breathing for a few minutes to connect to the moment, and then bust out a pen and paper. I write down everything that is bothering me and brainstorm for the best ways to approach each problem.

When you’re in the midst of the storm, it may feel as though you don’t have the 5-10 minutes needed to temporarily escape from the insanity. What I have discovered is that the worst thing I can do is not take the time needed to destress before returning to the fray.

Preparing for insanity

On September first I have the distinct honor of delivering the commencement address at Virginia Intermont College.  Starting from the moment I leave my apartment in DC for that speech, and running through December 3rd when I finish a private workshop on social entrapreneurship, my schedule is going to look like something the Tasmania Devil created.

Professionally there are speeches and workshops across North America, writing projects to complete, and a handful of NGOs to consult for.

Personally there are weddings to attend, poker nights to host, and recurring happy hours with friends.

So the question staring me down is: how the heck do I prepare for three solid months of constant  personal and professional demands so that I can consistantly bring my A-game?

Based on past experience I know that I need to be present (so that I can stay focused and engaged), healthy (so that I don’t have to cancel things), and organized (so that I don’t miss anything).

I want to share how I plan to do each as it may be helpful for you when your schedule goes insane too.

Being Present: I just began re-reading Ekahart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” a book on living in the moment. I’ve also worked in a few yoga classes to make sure that I am meditating and clearing my mind at least once or twice a week.

I know that every few days I need a chunk of time alone and disconnected from technology in order to stay connected to myself.

Health: a few years ago I got into running so I could have an exercise routine to stick to even when I’m on the road. While I’m in DC I’ll continue hitting the gym three times a week; while I’m on the road, I’ll run. To ensure I’m getting enough sleep I’ll start getting up at 7:00am every day and going to bed whenever I feel tired.

I’ve increased vegetables and water and decreased caffeine and alcohal. I’ve  found that minimizing or eliminating caffeine leaves me feeling much more stable and in control than when I’m swilling redbull.

Organized: For Changing the World 101 and all of my professional endeavors I use customer relationship management software. This ensures that all of my contacts, to-dos, calendars, and projects are in one place on my computer. I’m going to make sure that all my obligations are recorded and up to date.

Personally I’m going to carve out time during the weekend to answer all emails, facebook messages, and voicemails.

Despite all of the preparation I know one thing: there will be times in the next couple of months when the insanity catches up to me. In my next post I’ll discuss what to do when the demands on your attention become overwhelming.

Work hard, play hard, and every now and then, slow down

Modern young adults – and especially young leaders – tend to create crazy lives for themselves: jobs, taking classes, hitting the gym or yoga studio, causing a ruckus at parties, dinners out, weekend trips away, writing brilliant papers or witty blogs, grabbing a coffee just to catch up, volunteering for any number of causes, networking lunches and skype dates to stay connected, are all elements of  many modern young adult’s calendars.

Many of us value work-flow, efficiency, and getting the most productivity and action out of every moment. And I understand that – I am guilty of filling my calendar beyond it’s saturation point more often than I care to admint. It makes for an exciting life.

But that lifestyle is lacking something important. Living like that leaves me feeling anxious and neurotic after a while. It’s missing a certain slowness and disconnection that is critical to feeling balanced and in control.

I recently had an incredible week. It was one of those weeks where I could see my dreams coming true – Changing the World 101 was growing, I was getting ready for an exciting trip, and I had great plans with my friends. And yet, when I was caught up in it all, I just felt stressed because so many things were demanding my attention.

The reason I wasn’t able to appreciate the cool stuff happening around me is because I was moving too quickly.

Many successful teenagers and 20-somethings abide by the mantra “work hard, play hard.” And I dig that – I tend to live that way. But I’ve realized something: it should be, “work hard, play hard, and every now and then, slow down.”

I’ve found that to successfully slow down, you have to be clever about it. Slowing down involves indulging in those rare treats that never make it onto your calendar because they aren’t “necessary” or because they may interfere with your otherwise fast and productive life. Yet, slowing down is so important. What is the point of all the mania, the success, the craziness, and the ambition, if you can’t enjoy it?

So my suggestion to you if you are the work hard, play hard type: slow down from time to time.

Find a time when you should be working, and blow it off. Do something you just love to do, but don’t do often enough. Live in the moment for a bit. And while you’re doing it, make sure you can take your mind off work and stress. Resist the temptation to check your email and voicemail. If you invite people to join you, make sure they are people who you truly want to spend time with, as oppose to those you feel obligated to invite.

You’ll notice that slowing down from time to time will help you appreciate your life much more, and zenfully, it will help you speed up and be more productive too.

Why Attitude Matters (and 3 tricks to developing an awesome one!)

Do you want sweet articles not found on the Leadership, Social Entrepreneurship, and Being a Twenty-Something Blog delivered to your inbox once a month? If  so, consider signing up for the monthly Changing the World 101 newsletter on modern leadership (and other awesome topics).  I’d be honored to have you as a subscriber. You can sign up and read the archives here,

Below, by request, is a copy of last month’s newsletter.

***

What is the difference between a leader and a wisher? Simple. A leader effectively translates his or her dreams into reality. A wisher sits around hoping their dreams somehow turn into reality on their own.

The leader gets things done and blasts through barriers with creativity and perseverance.

The wisher wishes things were somehow better and pretends to be helpless in the face of a barrier.

Where the wisher sees problems, the leader see opportunities. And the single attribute that separates the leader from the wisher? Attitude.

Anytime you try to accomplish something awesome – adding muscle at the gym (a goal of mine this summer – I’m going to be huge!), personally helping the least fortunate people of our planet, or building an organization that changes our world – you will encounter setbacks. In fact, the wisher will see setbacks before he or she even takes action and thus, will never begin.

The key to overcoming setbacks is developing an attitude that leaves you feeling positive and empowered. An attitude that responds to setbacks by saying, “well, I didn’t get the results I wanted immediately, but I can still solve this problem somehow” and then gets back to work.

I want to share three tricks that have helped me take my attitude to the next level:

1) Eliminate the vampires from your life: you know those people who leave you feeling more drained after you’ve spoken with them? The people who consistently manage to see all of the negatives of a situation and none of the positives? The people who take more than they provide?

Those are vampires and they are disturbingly common. They’re not adding anything to your life or your success. They’re just bringing you down. To rev up your attitude, minimize the amount of time you spend interacting with these people.

2) Focus on the awesome things in a situation: all situations have both negative and positive aspects. To boost your attitude, focus primarily on the positive aspects. In a really tricky situation – one where you’re having trouble finding the positives – grab a pen and piece of paper. At the top write “Things I like about [whatever]” and force yourself to find ten things that you actually do like.

If you really can’t find ten things, consider making a real change to either the situation or your involvement with it.

3) Stop complaining! I know. You don’t complain that much. Maybe a lot of the people around you complain a lot, but not you.

Here is the catch: if you’re like 99.9% of the people out there, you complain way more than you realize. How do I know? I used to think I never complained and then when I began paying more careful attention to the words coming out of my mouth, I realized I complained. A lot.

Using the Complaint Free World Challenge I committed to going 21 consecutive days without complaining and wild things started happening. I became more energetic, more solutions oriented, more happy, and yes – much more positive.

If you’re interested in this particular approach to boosting your attitude you can read more here.

At the end of the day, it is your attitude that will make you either a leader or a wisher. The wishers will always see problems and barriers in front of them. The leaders – they will go on to change themselves and the world.

Although leadership can be a complicated trait to develop, underneath it all your success as a leader is dependent upon fostering and maintaining an awesome attitude. By doing any one of the things mentioned above, you’ll notice your attitude – and consequently your success – quickly improving.